"I don't care what we do, as long as I'm with you, “I said.
"Says the woman whose dates take her to places like a suite at the Staples Center to watch the Lakers play,” He said.
I hate when people expose me to myself.
As soon as he mentioned it, I was immediately transported back to that December night in the Royal Room where I watched the Phoenix Suns take on the Lakers. I can't remember who won but I remember eating some of the most decadent desserts ever. As usual I was watching my weight and I wasn't going to eat any. One of the suite mates saw me struggling with my desire and said "If you eat a fork-full, you can have your “cake and eat it too.”
And there’s the conundrum. How often do we compromise our desires? Water them down and eventually end up living an unfulfilled life of desperation. I don’t know but I stopped the very day I noticed my oldest daughter emulating my behavior.
That was the day, I realized, I don’t regret the choices I’ve made, it's the ones I didn't make that haunt me at night.
I'll always regret not saying “yes” to that trip to Paris w/my blind date. I will regret saying "no" to an old friend who pat me on my butt when we gave each other a friendly hug goodbye.
When I play it safe I know what to expect but what can I learn from repetition? And LAW knows playing it safe is not living - it is the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over but expecting different results.
In an effort not to have the sins of the mother visited on the daughter I shared with her these words:
“Your favorite song, “Countdown” reminded me of something you wrote. When I read it I thought "Be One with Your Desires.”
Don't settle for anyone or anything in your life that is NOT on your “Countdown! “ I know that seems so cliché but if you desire to be with a rich, tall man set your sights there. Often times, I hear people ask "what are you bringing to the table" - and I'm sure after awhile we women begin to wear that conventional idiocy like old tattered coat but then I think about Bey who I suspect fell for Jay-Z (eek) a long time ago and she didn't give that shyt a second thought. She was nuff then and probably didn’t think about what she was bringing to the table. She did her - until he (eek) came to his senses and snatched her up (I remember in an interview she said "I can't make a man marry me. He has to be ready." So in the meantime - she did her; until next thing you know she was pulling in more bank than him... and then he woke the eff up... lol (of course I don't know their real story but this is looking from the outside) All this to say if the men in your life are disposable to you, stop entertaining them even if it is only a text - because it takes your energy away from you and what you really desire in your life. Focus on what you desire ". ~Mom
So many of us deny our desires or to put it plainly we deny ourselves.
Denying you doesn’t make you a hero. It’s just the opposite, it makes you a coward.
In the movie “Ladder 49” starring Joaquin Phoenix, Morris Chestnut, and John Travolta - Travolta’s character eulogizes his fallen comrade by saying:
“What makes a man run into a burning building when everyone else is running out? Courage is what makes a man run into the fire.
It takes courage.”
Now some will say he is denying himself to save others – but I ask “is he?” or is he merely honoring his desire to save a life?
Sometimes honoring a desire doesn’t net something as ‘noble’ as saving a life, but simply honoring that small inner voice is a start.
Maybe that small voice says eat some cake; honor your experience; honor your date.
Honoring yourself may be the first step towards being able to honor others …
“Do You, Bless Others” Inna Rae
Note: I’m not talking about desires that infringe on another person’s will, right to life or their pursuit of happiness. I’m talking about denying desires that specifically deal with our lives and stepping out of our comfort zone.