|by Frederick E. Perl|
I laugh when people bump up against my boundaries if for no other reason than their reaction to my response :
Most people look like I've bitch-slapped them when I say
especially those who are used to hearing 'yes' from me most of the time.
I tend to be an easy-going, "purple-people-pleaser"
(Shout out to Sheb Wooley! I don't even know why that came to mind)who says "yes" to a lot of things. There comes a time, however, when "yes" is inappropriate - and it is when I say "No"... It isn't a set-up. I didn't say "yes" all those times so I could pack a wallop with "No"...
It's not being "mean"; "discourteous"; "selfish"; "egregious" or some other word for uncooperative but rather I'm just saying "No" .
"No" isn't offensive."No" isn't an affront to your being. "No" simply means I'm enough and I don't have to do what I don't want to just to please you.
In an era of social media networking saying "No" is especially necessary.
People want to share things with you that you may not like. People read your thoughts everyday and they feel as if they know you well enough to ask of you anything.
In the age of social media it may even be difficult to want to talk on the phone.
Think about it, what do we mostly see, read and hear? People talking about themselves. Hell I'm talking about me right now. The last thing anyone wants to hear is someone talk about themselves or others on the phone too.
Now, I reserve phone time for my mother and children. Unless someone really needs an ear to listen and shoulder to cry on then it is a "yes". A Yes only after I filter whose calls I'll take by first reading their initial thoughts.
So with all these "Nos" what do I say yes to? Well I took a page out Dr. Brene Brown's book.
I say 'yes' to who and what brings me joy... I make "No" apologies about it either. I say "yes" to what I like.
I'd like to believe I have forever here on this planet and maybe I do but I don't think I have forever in this body. Therefore, I want to make time for what I want to do and enjoy.
Spending time doing a lot of things I really have "No" time for makes "No" sense to me.
If you've read up to this point; Thank you for your time.
I have one more thing to share. If you find that you too are a "purple-people-pleaser" who always says "Yes" but are inspired to take back your life by adding in a few "Nos" when appropriate, then know this; people while find all types of way to make you wrong for saying "No". Ignore it.
Maybe one will say you didn't say "No" nicely as one woman once told my co-worker. Someone might say - you don't have the common courtesy to say "No" in private rather than in public. Another might say you owe him or her...
Understand this, every time you say "No" to someone what you are really saying is YES to you... Be easy.